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posted on 25/3/2022 13:50The week in Tory - Gramsci.

 1. Boris Johnson got things off to a cracking start by telling adoring 79-year-old Tory youngsters that Ukrainians huddling in basements to survive a murderous Russian invasion was the same as an obsessive, Daily-Express-inspired quibble about energy efficient lightbulbs 
2. Johnson – who says he "leads the world" on Ukraine – was subsequently uninvited from a summit on the war
 
3. Sajid Javid told R4 "Russians mislead their public all the time", and then immediately denied Johnson had even said the Brexit / Ukraine thing. Which he said. On TV. 
4. Nadine Dorries, a beef-witted, one-woman riot of idiocy, told BBC "of course the PM doesn’t regret saying it"
 
5. An hour later it was reported Johnson "regrets the remarks"
 
6. An hour after that Johnson said he regrets nothing. Still keeping up? It's OK, neither is Nadine. 
7. A report emerged of Johnson telling people Russian oligarchs were "buying influence in the Tory party"
 
8. So Priti Patel said Putin might use Ukrainian women and children to "infiltrate the UK"
 
9. It’s a fair point: they’re cheaper than Tory donors, and Putin loves a bargain 
10. On the night Putin invaded Ukraine, it turns out Boris Johnson had attended a secret fundraising dinner with Russian donors
 
11. Meanwhile Alan Duncan, who had argued that the UK shouldn’t sanction Russian oil, was this week reported to be working for a Russian oil trader 
12. Senior Tory Bernard Jenkin said it was "unbelievable" that Johnson ennobled a man who got all his money from his KGB-officer father, overriding warnings from the security services
 
13. Johnson denied it happened
 
14. Dominic Cummings said he personally watched it happen 
15. Almost 140000 Brits have volunteered to house Ukrainian refugees
 
16. So the Tories issued 8300 visas, which – help me out, maths fans: is that enough?
 
17. We have now generously offered – but not yet delivered – visas to 1 in every 372 people fleeing Ukraine 
18. Researchers described the "excessive bureaucracy" of our refugee programme as "completely unworkable"
 
19. So to ensure Ukrainians understand her govt's welcome, Priti Patel created a law to put them in jail for 4 years if they lack proper visa paperwork 
20. Not even a UK jail – they’ll be shipped to "camps" overseas
 
21. Patel’s first choice of location was a literal volcano in the middle of the Atlantic
 
22. In a first for Patel, this idea was quickly abandoned because it’s "demonstrably insane", which is usually her sweet spot 
23. So now Patel said refugees will be stored "offshore", but nobody knows where, and Australian experts described the idea as "a human rights disaster"
 
24. All this makes UK "the most anti-refugee country in the world" according to Médecins Sans Frontières 
25. Despite this, Tory chairman and be****tled Morph cosplayer Oliver Dowden announced Boris Johnson has a "real emotional connection" with refugees
 
26. So deep is that connection that Boris Johnson intervened to airlift 96 dogs out of Afghanistan rather than humans 
27. So the PM tweeted "warm wishes to Afghan friends in the UK", all of whom still await asylum approval
 
28. Then Johnson said it’s "not up to him" to work out if he’d allow a refugee in his house, proving he’s really taken the whole PartyGate "I know nothing" thing to heart 
29. Posturing mantis Jacob Rees-Mogg loomed up, like your worst stilton nightmare, and implied he was glad Ukraine had been invaded cos it let Tories "get away" from the "fluff" of the PM getting ****ed in the garden all day while 160,000 Brits died from Covid 
30. JRM said Ukraine was finally an opportunity to "roll back wokery", and then to demonstrate his unerring commitment to free speech he said Britain should "refuse to use socialist vocabulary"
 
31. Oliver Dowden said people criticising those nice Russian oligarchs are "racist" 
32. The PM’s unofficial advisor Charles Moore joined in, telling R4 "the govt's refugee policy isn’t racist. It’s just that we like Christians in this country and Muslims should go elsewhere"
 
33. Words. They can be so difficult. 
34. We flushed and flushed, but Dowden bobbed back up, blaming a Labour govt for the energy crisis. Tories have been in office 12 years
 
35. And then he asserted – out loud, where any passing psychiatric professional could hear him – that privet hedges would vote Conservative 
36. Defence secretary and novelty pencil eraser Ben Wallace spent several minutes on a hoax call from a pretend Ukrainian minister
 
37. He then said it was "standard practice" for Russians to do this sort of call, which makes you wonder why he took several minutes to work it out 
38. Despite it being "standard practice", Priti Patel and Nadine Dorries then both fell for hoax calls
 
39. Rishi Sunak, having a go at being Chancellor during his gap-year, made an impassioned statement on Ukraine while Boris Johnson hunched behind him, practicing his gurning 
40. Sunak said he wouldn’t be homing any refugees, but he and his wife would help "in other ways"
 
41. One of those other ways is Sunak and wife urgently doing absolutely nothing to withdraw their family investment in Russian businesses, for which I’m sure Ukraine is grateful 
42. As foodbanks stopped accepting donations of potatoes cos recipients can’t afford the fuel required to cook them, Sunak decided to boast of all the different types of bread he can afford to buy
 
43. He then claimed "Tory policy has led to a million fewer living in poverty" 
44. That policy is: manipulating the data by changing the way Tories measure poverty
 
45. Tory Scott Benton said the best way to avoid fuel poverty is "to get a job"


- “The Party told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” - George Orwell -