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posted on 2/4/2022 13:55(Cont.) The Week in Tory - Gramsci.

 51. Sunak told MPs he was a “tax-cutting chancellor”, and to prove it he introduced the biggest rise in taxes since the 1950s
 
52. Energy bills rose 54%, so his brilliant plan for people with terrifying fuel debt was to force them into deeper debt, with a mandatory £200 loan 
53. He then – and bear in mind he’s supposed to be an expert on this stuff – said just because he was lending money to people who then had to repay it, that didn’t mean it was a loan
 
54. David Davis – so good they named him once – said Sunak is “making the economy worse” 
55. To celebrate this glowing review, Sunak, who’s primary skill appears to be taking his jacket off, got his official photographer to snap him (jacketless) posing as he filled up his very own Kia Rio
 
56. Except he’d borrowed the Kia from a supermarket worker 
57. But he paid for the fuel, bless him, although it wasn’t easy. Footage showed the guy in charge of our nation’s money battling heroically as he got confused between a credit card and a can of coke, while desperately attempting to negotiate a till at a petrol station 
58. After his wily Kia Rio ploy fell through in about 4 seconds, he told MPs he really drives a “battered old Golf”
 
59. He seems to have forgotten about the Range Rovers and 3 other luxury cars he owns, some of which he keeps at his modest, man-of-the-people pad in Santa Monica 
60. He told MPs it was impossible to say whether Brexit had hurt the economy, mainly cos he didn't give a ****, what with him being massively rich
 
61. Then, seemingly having cleared the cache in his brain, he told MPs it was “always inevitable” that Brexit would hurt the economy 
62. At the last general election Rishi Sunak had campaigned for a party promising their Brexit would make every person in Britain £993 a year richer
 
63. It’s made every household £3,600 a year poorer
 
64. That’s very nearly enough money to fill up a Kia Rio 
65. Research found the £20 Covid increase in Universal Credit lifted 400k children out of poverty, so naturally Sunak scrapped it
 
66.And then, in a major shock to those who have been observing his levelling up plans, it was shown his changes to student loans hurt the poor most 
67. He’s clearly holding his levelling-up-o-meter upside down
 
68. Economists said his plans leave 1/5 of the UK in poverty
 
69. He said “I am comfortable with the choices I made”
 
70.3 hours later, he was reported to be “panicked” into considering throwing his entire plan away 
71. As previous Tory decisions to scrap green investment added £190 a year to energy bills, an SNP MP asked Johnson in parliament how people in Scotland could afford to heat their homes
 
72. Johnson – the actual Prime Minister – responded by calling him a fatty. In parliament 
73. Priti Patel, the Gnome of Sauron, promised a “fairer, more compassionate” Home Office after a report found her dept was cruel, incompetent, and badly managed
 
74. This week the report’s author said in 2 years since then, Patel had done almost nothing to fix her dept 
75. Only 8 of 30 recommendations have been even *partly* implemented, and the report said it was "disappointed" 13 times

76. So Patel, stalwart in her adherence to reality, said she was “pleased the report says significant progress has been made” 
77. She also designed a scheme for EU citizens to keep living in the UK, which is so good it means 2 million of them now face deportation
 
78. A new independent (but Tory) head of Ofcom was announced, responsible for overseeing social media regulation and protecting broadcasting 
79. He immediately said he wants to privatise Channel 4 and scrap the BBC funding model
 
80. The man now in charge of regulating social media proudly stated that he’s never used social media, but “is aware of it” because his children told him about TikTok 
81. He went on to say how much he admired Laurence Fox, that waxy, lurching manifestation of entitlement and stupidity, because “I know his family”, which I think we can all agree is a GREAT reason to support Fox constantly undermining public health in a pandemic 
82. Nadhim Zahawi, a child’s drawing of pure greed superimposed onto a competitively evil gonad, announced he would force all schools to become academies by 2030
 
83. This was because “evidence” showed academies “deliver the best possible outcomes” 
84. The “evidence” actually shows academies perform 23% worse than council-run schools
 
85. Then Zahawi proudly announced a bold new idea – never tried before, not at any parents’ evenings ever – of getting teachers to tell parents if their kids were doing badly in school. Cool. 
86. Local elections are coming, and the public need honest communications about what they’re voting for
 
87. So the govt was found to have illegally spent £100,000 of public money on “Tory Propaganda” ads on Facebook, targeted on areas where they are defending small majorities 
88. Etch-a-sketch thunder**** Dom Raab was back, with a new bill of human rights to guarantee free speech
 
89. But you have to exercise your free speech in monastic silence, cos Priti Patel has simultaneously banned any protests that is loud enough for anybody to hear 
90. Patel, the Shetland Pony of the Apocalypse, was also found this week to have breached human rights by her policy of literally stealing phones off asylum seekers
 
91. More human rights news, as Johnson promised to ban conversion therapies that claim to “cure” gayness 
92. He then did a U-turn on that promise
 
93. Then he did a U-turn on the U-turn… do we need to coin the phrase “W-turn”?
 
94. But he hasn’t banned conversion therapy for being transgender
 
95. And then Tory MP Jamie Wallis came out as transgender 
 
96. And so, as a consequence all this, Jamie Wallis is now a member of a political party with a stated policy – at least for the next 10-15 minutes – of “curing” Jamie Wallis of being Jamie Wallis


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