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posted on 14/4/2022 10:50Here's this Week In Tory - Gramsci.

courtest of (Twitter) @RussInCheshire ...


 1. Having spent a week insisting there was nothing wrong with avoiding £20 million in tax while being responsible for raising tax, Space Family Sunak have now concluded that for PR purposes their monumental, sickening greed is “not compatible with British fairness” 
2. Sunak insisted he should not be associated with his spouse for tax purposes
 
3. This came as a shock to the rest of us, for whom our spouse’s income affects every personal tax matter, every mortgage application, and all benefits claims 
4. But you can’t you expect poor, bewildered Sunak to understand the UK’s rules, especially as it seems he’s spent half his time as chancellor accidentally pledging allegiance to a foreign state for tax purposes, and promising to make USA his forever home 
5. Parliamentary rules state MPs must be UK residents for tax purposes, so Sunak broke both MP’s rules and the Ministerial Code, both resigning matters. He didn't resign
 
6. And then it was revealed Sunak had listed his wealth in the Cayman Islands to avoid even more domestic tax 
7. He also failed to list his wife’s £690m stake in Russian businesses in the register of members’ interests, even though the govt of which he is a senior member has given that company multiple contracts, and even though he told us all not to invest in Russia 
8. So by Sunday we’d discovered Sunak was chancellor of one country while legally domiciled in another, claimed his wife didn’t pay tax cos she was from a 3rd, got paid by a trust fund in a 4th, and was secretly breaking the rules of his job to give money to a 5th 
9. So to prove he's now 100% committed to his job, his nation, and our struggle, he moved out of 11 Downing St and into one of his 4 giant luxury houses
 
10. Furiously glaring testicle Sajid Javid leaped to Sunak’s defence, saying it would be “morally wrong” not to put up taxes 
11. And then Javid admitted he’d spent 20 years as a non-dom avoiding paying those taxes, but there was “nothing immoral” about it
 
12. He then pressed SHIFT + F5 in his brain, and announced Tories would “tackle aggressive tax avoidance and evasion”, like all the stuff he did 
13. Sunak, laser focussed on what was really ****ing us off, decided “divulging the tax status of a private individual is a criminal offence”, and he HATES criminal offences, as we all know
 
14. So Boris Johnson – yes, Boris Johnson – ordered an ethics inquiry into Sunak 
15. In all the kerfuffle, you may have missed the news about Nadine Dorries, which is understandable, since she’s so dense no light can escape her
 
16. This week the exuberantly befuddled Nadine claimed opponents of her plan to privatise Channel 4 were “ill informed” 
17. This claim is only slightly undermined by the fact she’d argued for the privatisation whilst still not having the faintest idea how Channel 4 operates
 
18. She said only 7% of TV production companies get money from Channel 4
 
19. It’s actually over 50% 
20. She said privatisation would finally force the majority of TV to be made outside London
 
21. 66% of Channel 4’s UK content is made outside London
 
22. She said Channel 4 was currently a debt-risk and should be more like Netflix
 
23. Netflix is has over $15 billion of debts 
24. She said Channel 4’s advertising revenue has collapsed
 
25. All advertising collapsed during the pandemic. Channel 4’s has recovered
 
26. She said Channel 4 becoming like the big streamers would protect its news service
 
27. None of the big streamers provides a news service 
28. Let's visit Boris Johnson, a leaking bin-bag full of custard and Viagra, who began the week by heroically facing a terrifying inquisition from GBNews interviewers Esther McVey and Philip Davies, who just happen to be Tory MPs he gave jobs to 
29. The interview probably breached Ofcom rules because we are in an election cycle, meaning press interviews must meet defined impartiality standards, such as not being a cosy chat between people with one brain between them 
30. Johnson still lied, telling McVey he would introduce more lockdowns, despite promising MPs there would be no more lockdowns in Feb
 
31. Don your biohazard suits and let's see what's been happening to Priti Patel, answer to the question “what did Bellatrix Lestrange do next?” 
32. This week Patel surprised us all with her first ever attempt at an apology, in this case over the Ukrainian visa fiasco
 
33. Let's be honest, even for a first attempt it wasn’t a wildly successful apology 
34. She admitted it was “always easy to blame someone else”, and then immediately blamed somebody else, claiming her insistence on shellshocked Ukrainian children completing byzantine visa application forms in a foreign language “is not the problem” 
35. She insisted she couldn’t let refugees into the country without visas just in case we ended up with a repeat of the Windrush scandal
 
36. The Windrush victims all had visas, but the Tories locked them up and kicked them out of the country anyway. Details schmetails.
37. Patel boasted of a “surge of staff to Calais” to cope with applications
 
38. Reporters found she’d actually sent “two guys, a table, and some crisps”
 
39. So nobody can get in, and in news that will shock 48% of us and be ignored by the rest, nobody can get out either 

 


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